A Night to Forget
by beckylynn311
Summary: Bucky surprises Natasha with a not so perfect gift for their one year anniversary, but Natasha doesn't know how to break the news. Goes into the details of a panic attack and The Red Room if those are trigger topics for anyone, you've been warned.


One year anniversary, Who would have thought Bucky and Natasha would make it that long? To be honest it was longer than just one year but it had been a year since they decided to "Go Steady" as Bucky adorably asked. The relationship was tame by every standard-except where the bedroom was concerned, they were very advanced in that department. They never went on 'dates' like the other couples did. It was always pizza from that place down the street from Bucky's apartment and video games. Natasha didn't like to go out too much. The lower of a profile she could have the better. She was still in the field as a spy after all. Bucky didn't mind, there was so much to catch up on in the world that their list of movies to watch never seemed to get smaller. But tonight Bucky had plans to sweep Natasha off her feet (with excessive amounts of help from Pepper) and he was confident that it was the greatest plan on the history of the world.

Natasha walked out of the building with Bucky right behind her. She was wearing a black circle skirt and a red silk dress, "So where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." Bucky linked his arm with hers, "Just let it be a surprise."

"I don't like surprises." She reminded him, "But for you I'll tolerate them."

Bucky walked down the street with her. The spring weather was perfect for them, since both of them liked to be colder than most would. "You look really nice tonight." he looked over at her.

She rolled her eyes, "You look pretty dapper yourself. Who helped you buy the tux?"

"Oh this old thing." he brushed it off trying to play it off like he did it himself, then he accepted that it was a team effort, "Sam actually. With some assistance from Steve and Peggy."

"Does everyone know what we're doing except for me?" Natasha was about to be impressed.

"Only Pepper. I know better than to tell everyone what my plans are. Especially with you and Peggy."

Natasha looked around the city, "I give up, where are we going?"

Bucky tried to stop smiling. He liked having knowledge over her, it was a rare occasion since she was always ten steps ahead of everyone. They walked around the corner until they saw the signs for the New York Ballet. "I got us great seats… well, Pepper let me have some tickets that someone owed her." He looked over trying to read his unreadable girlfriend.

In that moment Natasha wanted to run. She wanted to turn around and get as far away from the situation as possible. Natasha hadn't listened or looked at ballet since she rid herself of the Red Room. The Bolshoi her ass. She couldn't do it. Natasha was a strong women who could do a lot of things, but she wasn't sure she could do this. Right as she was about to protest she looked at Bucky and his sweet face. He had done something sweet for her, and in another relationship it would have been an incredibly wonderful gesture. She hadn't told him anything about the Red Room or what had done to her. Within milliseconds she had made up her mind. She'd give it a shot, maybe it wouldn't be that bad. "This is great." She lied.

Bucky lit up, "Oh thank god. I don't know, you seem like you would like it." He lead her across the crosswalk, "As much as you like boy stuff- Not boy stuff but."

"Not things girls would have liked in your day." Natasha finished for him, "Or things that girls weren't allowed to like back in your day."

"Exactly." Bucky nodded. They walked up the steps and into the huge theater, "And I always wanted to come see something here. We could never afford to see shows and we were too poor, yah know?"

Someone handed them a pamphlet for the Ballet, 'Swan Lake'. Natasha holds in a grumble. It had to be Swan Lake, it _had_ to be the ballet they tested them on.

They were lead up to V.I.P box seat that they had all to themselves. "This isn't stupid right? You're quiet"

Natasha laughed and pull his chin over for him to look at her, "You're so cute when you're nervous, have I told you that?"

"I don't think I've ever been this nervous before. I'm usually…. a lot better." He laughed and fanned himself with the paper.

She looked at the stage thinking about the play before it was going to happen. Maybe that way it would trigger her as much. Triggers. She's Natasha Romanova, or whatever last name she was going by at that time, dangerous assassin. She's seen too much to be so weak. She could almost hear the headmistress scolding her for what she thought were sloppy silhouettes, but could have been a any number of things. The lights dimmed and Bucky gave her a sharp nudge to signal his excitement. He was too cute to ruin this.

The Ballet started and everything seemed fine. At times she held her breath and pinched the bridge in-between her thumb and pointer finger to keep her from thinking about her 'career' as a ballerina. All things considering it went well… until the Cygnets.. It's one of the more famous passages of The Swan Lake where four of the swans come out holding hands for their entire dance. While Bucky was watching, trying to figure out how anything they were doing was possible. Natasha felt ill. Flashing pictures of what happened ran in front of her eyes taking her away from where she was and who she was with. She had to get out of there.

Natasha bolted up from her seat and ran out of the box as fast as she could. Down the hall. She could still hear it. Finally she figured out what was making her feel ill, it was her stomach that had been disturbed by the anxiety of the night. Instinctually she leaned over the trash and threw up. It was not her finest moment.

"Nat!" Bucky ran after her.

"Go back and watch. I'm fine." she waved him away. She wasn't okay.

He took slower steps closer, like someone trying to calm down a wild horse, "Are you crying?"

Was she? She felt her cheeks and he was right, she was. "I'm fine.."

It was the first time Bucky could read Natasha. She was not fine. She wasn't fine by any standards. "What aren't you telling me Nat?" he said in the softest voice she'd ever heard him speak in (and he was always soft and kind).

"The Red Room." She whispered, "That was their cover… that's how they got all of us there, all the girls."

"How?"

"Ballet. I thought I was going to a Ballet Academy. I thought I was going to studying with the Bolshoi Ballet." She rubbed her forehead with two hands trying to get the images out of her head, "I thought I would be fine. You worked so hard to get this put together but all I could see during the last part was me… and the others. How they would chain us together until they got it right. The punishments for falling down or messing up… The tests, the training, the killing." She couldn't look at him, "And I knew this was going to happen but I didn't want you to think-"

Bucky walked forward and wrapper her up in his arms. Part of him was hurt that she thought he'd ever make her go through this or hold it against her, but he knew this was Natasha being angry with herself. They both just wanted to get past their past so badly. "I think you're the most wonderful women in the world Natasha. You're the only one who can possibly understand what I've been through, and I'm the only one who can understand you." He wasn't going to let her weasel out of a hug, but he couldn't detect that she wanted out of it.

She thought she had come to terms with everything they did, but there was too much for any of it to be buried. There was not enough dirt on the earth. "God I hate crying." She mumbled into his shoulder.

"Well you still look swell." He knew how much she loved when he sounded outdated. "Do you feel any better?"

Natasha could still hear the music in the background and she knew that saying anything other than No would be a lie. "Yes. I'm fine."

"Wait here." He turned around and went back to their seats to get her purse. Once Bucky was back he fished out some gum for her and took her arm in his and headed for the exit. "Let's go play some video games, and eat some Pizza. I'm done with pretending to be fancy."

Natasha kissed him on the cheek, leaving a red stain. "I love you Bucky Barnes."

That got him to stop. He faced her on the outside stairs. "Did you just-"

"Yes." She rolled her eyes.

"You love me?" Bucky grinned.

"Jesus man, you're worse than the girls." She elbowed him.

Bucky laughed and looked over at her, "I love you too."


End file.
